Model

Defenestration Policy

 

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A. The purpose of this policy is to define the corporate defenestration policy and procedure. Most companies should have a defenestration policy.  This model is provided as a public serve and as a guide

 

B. It is the responsibility of all department managers to enforce this policy. 

 

C. Engineering will provide technical assistance in all major defenestrations.

 

D. Maintenance is responsible for replacement of any windows damaged in a defenestration.

 

E. The Defenestration Project Manager will approve access to all defenestration sites.

 

F. The Galactic Director of Defenestration will approve all embrocations.

 

G. Policy

 

  1. Always make sure the window is open before you allow yourself to be defenestrated.

 

  1. Always grab your cloths before you are defenestrated.  Going nude in public is against the law everywhere except in Europe. 

 

  1. If you are defenestrated, always look for a soft place to land.

 

  1. Being defenestrated from the 1st floor window is not usually considered dangerous unless you’re also being shot at.  Many true defenestration aficionados look askance at 1st floor defenestrations.

 

  1. Never allow yourself to be defenestrated above the 2nd floor

 

  1. If you have to be defenestrated above the 20th floor always wear a parachute.  Below the 20th floor there won’t be time for your parachute to open.  In this case see the rule below.

 

  1. If you are unable to obey the last 2 rules, flap your arms.  You never know, you might learn to fly.

 

  1. Self defenestration above the 2nd floor is considered dangerous.  It is also illegal in most states.

 

  1. Always scream if you’re being defenestrated.  This attracts attention and everybody loves a good show.

 

  1. If you are defenestrated don’t expect anybody to try to break your fall.  Due to the acceleration of gravity it is reasonable to expect that your velocity and, hence, your kinetic energy will be quite high when you impact the ground unless, of course, you learn to fly.

 

  1. Always ask people if they have been defenestrated.  This is the only way to meet people who have learned to fly.

 

  1. It is better to be the defenestrator than the defenestratee.

 

  1. Defenestratees through a closed window may become laciniate post defenestration.

 

  1. The inevitability of a defenestration increases asymptotically as the defenestratee approaches the window.

 

  1. Defenestratees may be embrocated only with prior approval.  Approval for post defenestration embrocations will not be granted.

 

  1. Defenestratees may be emulsified only with prior approval.  Approval will depend on the availability of a suitable body of water situated post fenestration.

 

  1. Ones jocundity depends upon whether one is the defenestrator or the defenestratee.

 

 

 

Approvals:

 

 

 

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